Counting the Days

Counting

whoilove “on Sundays”

a weekly blog.



Counting the Days

 
Guest blog from
the Romine Family

As I sit in a quiet house (Crosbee napping, Cooper at school and Daddy working) editing pictures from our wonderful spring break I couldn’t help but hear the blaring sound of the weather siren go off. Every Friday at 11:00 they blare the siren as a test. As I sit here listening to the siren it dawns on me that I haven’t heard that siren in a very long time…weeks, maybee months. Our lives are so different now…Crosbee adds so much excitement to our lives. I use to dread Friday’s at 11. I would wait on pins and needles to hear it…pause, remember, cry, talk to Henley and even laugh. Henley passed away at 10:58 on a Friday morning just 2 minutes BEEfore the siren would blare. It is that constant reminder of those last moments with our precious, brave, loving, sweet daughter. It is sad. Sad yes but also brings a smile knowing that only Henley would send a constant reminder to use each Friday. She always wanted to bee heard. Oh how we love that little girl. Today the siren took me by surprise. Had I forgot about that siren? Have we been so busy with Crosbee? Had we blocked out the sound? Whatever it is Henley wanted to bee heard today. Henley Hazel…I heard you! I laughed, I cried, I relished in another sign from you reassuring us that you are so very close. Thank you love!

Henley has made her self so very apparent lately! She was right there with us as we spent spring break at her favorite place…the BEEach. She sent us sign after sign letting us know she wasn’t far. Each one of those signs warms our hearts and reassures us that we will one day bee together again. This hurt, this pain, this longing for our daughter, Cooper’s sister will one day put to rest.

Signs of Henley bring joy but at times can bring on sorrow…especially for Cooper. For him, at times, the are a reminder of what is missing, what he is unfair, what is just not right! Signs and a break from routine are hard. At home we have a routine…school, work, homework, practice, dinner, bed. Each day we know what to expect. Vacation…just like for all brings much needed rest and relaxation. For our family rest and relaxation brings about a huge reminder of the gapping whole we have in our family. It reminds us of what is missing, what we are missing, what is truly just not fair, just not ok. Vacation is a time of rest, relaxation which means slowing down life and smelling the roses…well our roses at times seem welted…our daughter and sister isn’t physically with us to play with, love on. Cooper especially is very aware of the loss and pain. As Cooper enjoys every moment of no school, running around in the sand, sun and surf, meeting new friends and just BEEing a 9 year old boy that I can bee clouded by the pain, sadness, anger and unfairness. Alll those things should bee done right along side of his sister Henley. As he gets older he is realizing that his life is far from the norm. He asks so many questions…”Why does everyone else get to grow up with their brother and sisters and I don’t?” “Why did Jesus have to take my sister?” “My life can’t bee completely happy beecause I don’t have Henley!” “Why does it have to bee like this?” “it isn’t fair that everyone else grows up with a playmate and I don’t have one of mine.” As Cooper interacts with more and more families, friends he realizes how different his life is. He is reminded of what he did have, a sister close in age, a forever playmate, someone to share life with. This is BEEyond heart breaking and honestly we have the same questions and feelings. We each are able to find our blessings in all of this. We are thankful for the time we had with Henley. We know life will continue and bring many blessings and much joy our way. Crosbee, Crosbee, Crosbee!!! She has brought so much light in our lives. Such a blessing she is. We are all aware of this but that said that doesn’t change the fact that Henley is no longer physically here…we have lost a daughter and Cooper has lost his best friend, his sister.

Not too long ago Cooper asked me…”Mom how many days have we lived without Henley?” Honestly one in which I didn’t want to know, I feared to know. Today as the siren went off I decided to find the answer to his question. How many days has it been since we held our daughter in our arms? Today I will have an answer for Cooper.

It has been 1001 days, 24040 hours, 1442404 minutes and 86544247 seconds too long!